


What is lost and what is found

by itried



Category: Young Justice
Genre: Child Abuse, I know it, I know very little of the comics so I just took some liberties to make this fic work, I made wally not know robin's identity because, M/M, Panic Attacks, Suicide Attempt, Triggers:, and I've embraced it, bc I'm a bad person, i needed more, ok so i wrote this for a kinkmeme prompt, the child abuse and the suicide attempt weren't drama enough for me, you know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itried/pseuds/itried
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Useless." Psimon says and laughs at the crying teenager at his feet. "Poor kid can't even kill himself right."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jokerkass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jokerkass/gifts).



> link to YJA kinkmeme prompt: http://yjanon-meme.livejournal.com/676.html?thread=1616804#t1616804
> 
> Jokerkass is my wonderful beta and I'm gifting it all to her because she's awesome and patient and likes to read about our dear characters suffering almost as much as I do.

"Useless."

Wally falls to his knees and grabs his head with both hands. There's someone in there, there's someone inside going through his memories. There's someone's watching them, eating popcorn and laughing.

"Useless and reckless." Someone says and Wally looks up to see Batman. He's suddenly back at Mount Justice, reporting the team failure, and he burns under the league member's gaze. "Useless and reckless and a murderer." He says and Wally remembers.

Wally remembers his friends, his team. He remembers their bodies and the blood. So much blood. He remembers Robin's eyes and they were blue; they were beautiful and cold and dead.

Then he remembers these aren't memories, they never happened. He remembers how to breathe.

Batman laughs and he's not Batman anymore, he's Psimon, the psycho creep that erased their memories in Bialya and is back for a second round.

"Get out of my head." Wally gathers every bit of strength he has left and yells at him.

"Useless." Someone says again and the Flash's suddenly there, by his side. "So very useless."

The Flash runs and Wally runs after him. He runs as fast as he can, he runs faster than he can. Wally jumps on him, fighting with all his might, reaching out for his mask because he won't fall for the same trick twice. He isn't useless. He takes his mask off and suddenly _feels_ useless because that's uncle Barry's face and that's uncle Barry's voice and suddenly a door opens to darkness.

He goes through it.

"I don't want a sidekick." Barry says and he's in his civilian clothes in Wally's room and Wally's eleven years old, all over again. "I don't want the responsibility."

In seconds Wally is alone and he's holding the autographed picture of the Flash that uncle Barry gave him for his sixth birthday. He needs the Flash, he's always needed him, but the Flash doesn't need him back.

"Useless." His father comes into the room and he's even younger. "Useless." Rudolph West says it again and again and Wally's six, and then he's seven and eight and nine and ten and eleven and he can't take it anymore.

"Useless." Someone says, but it's not his dad anymore, there's no one around. Wally's twelve and he spends the whole night alone in his uncle's forensic lab, reading his notes, mixing chemicals and failing, over and over again. "I'm so fucking useless." His voice sounds tired and defeated to his own ears.

"Useless." Someone says and he doesn't even want to know who the voice belongs to. He's twelve and he's waking up on a hospital bed. His entire being hurts like hell, but he knows that he's going to be alright; he knows _he's failed,_ he knows he's useless.

"Useless." Psimon says and laughs at the crying teenager at his feet. "Poor kid can't even kill himself right."

xxx

"Kid Flash!" Kaldur calls and kneels by his side, his concern over his frozen teammate worsening when he doesn't answer him, or acknowledges his presence, but continues to stare into nothing. "M'Gann, we need you!" He telepathically cries for the martian.

Robin's the first to arrive, detecting the urgency in his voice.

"KF." The boy wonder waits exactly five seconds for a reply that never comes. In the sixth, he's taking explosives out of his utility belt to throw at Psimon, who's also standing there, a few feet away, a sick smile frozen in his face.

"Stop, Robin." Kaldur grabs his arms before he can throw his bombs. "We don't know what's happening, what if their minds are somehow linked? We can't risk a direct attack or we might end up hurting KF even more. M'Gann's on her way."

"He's in pain." Robin glances at the grief-stricken look on his best friend's face. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, but Wally doesn't even blink. Robin looks away. "Aqualad, KF's crying, we have to do something."

Kaldur takes Robin's hand and then takes Wally's with his free one, not knowing what else he could do. "I've never seen him cry before." He confesses, suddenly feeling small and helpless and nothing like a leader is supposed to feel.

"I'm here!" M'Gann flies through the open window and Superboy comes through the front door, completely destroying it. Artemis comes running after him.

They all stop at the sight that awaits them. M'Gann recovers quickly and lands near his friends in a second.

"Can you bring him back?" Robin asks her.

She immediately nods, but her trembling hands say otherwise.

"I'll need to go inside his head." She pauses. "I'll need to break into his mind, that's just... What if he hates me for it?"

"Then he'll have to hate me, because I gave the order." Kaldur doesn't hesitate. Everyone's staring at him. "Do it."

"Kick this psycho's ass." Superboy agrees and touches her shoulder in support.

M'Gann closes her eyes and focus.

xxx

"Poor kid."

The whole place is dark, but M'Gann overhears Psimon's words and locates them easily. The satisfaction in his voice makes her want to throw up, specially because he's talking to a twelve years old Wally, who's sobbing and crying his eyes out at his feet.

"Can't even kill himself right." He laughs and M'Gann can't take it anymore, she can't hear anymore of this.

"Get out of his head!" She yells and the power in her voice takes him by surprise. He vanishes.

"Wally, Wally." She runs to him, dropping to her knees to hold him, but he flinches away from her. "Wally, it's me, it's okay. He's gone."

It's the last sentence that gets to him. He grabs her shirt, buries his face on her neck and cries even more, melting into her embrace. She doesn't know how long they stay like this. He cries and she holds him and whispers things in his ears, mixing martian with english, until his tears run dry.

"Let's go home, Wally. Our friends are waiting."

"I don't have any friends." He's gasping for air.

"You do!" His answer hurts more than a stab in the chest, but she refuses to give up now. "Don't you remember, Wally?"

"I don't want to remember anymore." His eyes start watering again. "I can't, I just... You can't make me."

"I won't. No one's making you remember anything you don't want to and that's a promise." She takes his hands. "I just need you to trust me, can you do that?"

He stares at her for what seems like forever, but he eventually nods.

"I won't go through your memories, but I'll let you go through mine." She rests her forehead against his. "Close your eyes."

He does. He sees everything.

"M'Gann" Wally opens his eyes and he's sixteen again. The sound of her name in his lips makes her smile for the first time since she got into his head. "I have a team, I have... I have friends."

"Let's go back to them." She presses a light kiss to his cheek and closes her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor wally (I don't know exactly what to write here without giving things away so I'll use this space to feel sorry for my characters okay?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing, omg! I wasn't expecting such a great response when I first posted this and now I'm aoishaopskasjpoaspoaj thank you, thank you, thank you! This is the first long fic I've written in english and I'm a bit nervous, but I'll try my best not to disappoint you. Also, I have a couple of chapter written already, but my plan is to update this fic every week so I won't leave you hanging when I get swamped by test and college stuff. 
> 
> Hope you like this new chapter!

Wally wakes up in what he thinks is a hospital bed and his first thought is that he's failed again, but then he remembers he wasn't trying to kill himself. Not this time.

"Hey, easy there, Kid Sleepy." Robin says and pushes him gently back to the bed. "You're okay, everything's fine. We're back at Mt. Justice."

"Rob?" He blinks and blinks again until his best friend's shadow takes shape. 

"Yeah, it's me. Hang in there, I'll just call the others." The boy wonder turns to leave, but Wally takes his hand and pulls him back. "Wally?" 

For a moment there's only silence between them, and it's not the comfortable, playful "I'm not talking to you right now" silence it follows everytime Robin beats him on videogames, this one's different and uncomfortable and it makes Robin feel like he's sitting right next to a stranger and he hates it with all his heart.

"Wally, talk to me." Robin forces his voice to be calm and soft, but he's screaming inside. He wants to grab Wally's shoulders, shake him and yell _'It's me! You used to tell me everything, or did you forget? Did he make you forget? What has he done to you?'_ but he doesn't. Mostly because he's afraid of the answer.

Wally looks at him. He wants to know what happened, he wants to know if they caught Psimon, if he's locked away for good, if the team's okay, if M'Gann's fine, but what he actually asks is:

"What color are your eyes?" 

"What?" 

"The color of your eyes, I need to know." His voice grows weary.

"I can't tell you that, you know I can't." They've talked about it before, they've talked about it so many times and Wally always said he understood the need for secrecy, that it was okay.

"Please." Wally's lips are trembling. "Please, Robin, I don't need to know your secret ID, just this thing, just... Your eyes. Please tell me.

Wally's crying and begging him, but what makes him really consider it is the fact that he wants to. He always wanted to, probably since he was ten and the Flash introduced him to the kid who were all smiles and jokes and warmth. He felt a little bit in love with Wally right there, even before realizing what it really meant to be in love with someone. Before he even realized what it meant to be in love with his best friend.

"They're blue." 

And beautiful and cold and dead, Wally's brain quickly adds.

"KF." Robin's hands are suddenly all over his face. "Wally, Wally, breath."

Wally wants to, he wants to obey and make Robin's voice go back to normal, he wants to get rid of the concern and fear on his best friend's face, he wants to stop being so fucking useless, but he can't. His chest feels crushed and heavy and he just can't breathe. He just can't do anything right, he can't.

"You can do it." He only notices he's been saying it out loud when Robin talks over him. "Wally, look at me." Robin makes a decision. It was the hardest decision he ever had to make, but, at the same time, it was the easier. He takes his sunglasses off and makes him look. "Wally."

Robin's eyes are blue and beautiful and warm and alive. Wally sobs.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, do you see me breathing? Here. Do you feel my chest rising and falling? That's it." The boy wonder takes his hand and lands it to his own chest. His other hand is in Wally's and he can see Wally's trying to mimic his breathing. "Yeah, just like that. You're doing great. Good job."

Wally's ashamed of how Robin's words make him feel better, of how pleased he is at the approval on his friend's voice. But still, he follows his instructions the best he can because he's pathetic and he wants more, he needs more.

"That's it. I knew you could do it." Robin's smiling at him.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." His breaths are coming out a bit shaky, but it's somehow easier now and he takes his hand back, clenching it to a fist and letting it hang to the side. 

"It's okay." Robin goes after his hand, bothered by the sudden lack of contact. "It's okay to cry if you want to." 

"I'm sorry, please don't tell anyone I just... Promise me you won't..." Wally's growing desperate again. "God, Robin, I'm so sorry."

Robin holds him. 

xxx

"He had a panic attack when he woke and I sedated him." Robin tells his friend when he goes over to meet them in the kitchen and finds them with Batman and Martian Manhunter, having just returned from taking Psimon to Belle Reve. He has his sunglasses back on. 

"Until he's stable enough to answer our questions, I don't think there's much we can do." Artemis shifts, uncomfortably.

"How's M'Gann?" Batman looks over the room and locks eyes with the Martian Manhunter. "She was inside his head, maybe she can shed some light on what's troubling Kid Flash so much."

"M'Gann's awake..." Superboy says and looks away. "...But she's crying." 

"I'm fine." The martian shows up, as if summoned, her eyes red and puffy. "And ready to talk." She sits on the sofa and, when everybody stands on a circle around her, begins the tale. "I think Psimon was messing around with his memories. But not only creating new memories, I think he was making Wally remember things he kept hidden... And then he said something I... I... " She stutters.

"It's alright, niece. If it's difficult for you to say it, show me. Link our minds." J'ohn takes her hand and M'Gann holds him, sighing with relief.

When J'ohn opens his eyes, there's enough grief on them to match hers.

"Psimon was exploring Kid Flash's insecurities and making him relive the moments of his life he was most vulnerable." He pauses, intent on giving everyone time to understand the gravity of the situation. "For what M'Gann gathered, Psimon strongly sugested that Wally has tried to commit suicide when he was twelve years old."

Artemis gasps, Kaldur holds his breath, Robin grits his teeth and Superboy clentches his fists. Batman is the only one who remais impassive.

"That's not true!" Something inside of Robin snaps. "It can't be true! Four years ago he became Kid Flash, that's when I met him..." and he was all smiles and jokes and warmth, his throat closes up on itself before he can finish the explanation. It gets harder to breathe.

"How did Kid Flash got his powers?" Batman touches his shoulder, grounding him.

"He told us. He simulated the flash's experiment..." Kaldur says, carefully, because he can see where this is going and he doesn't like it. "He was twelve."

"No, it wasn't like that. It's not what you're thinking. He was trying to gain superpowers, not kill himself, that's ludicrous." Artemis can't believe what they're implying. "Wally's a genious, he obviously knew what he was doing."

"He was also twelve and working alone. He must have known there were risks." J'ohn's voice is steady and calming and they know that he must be projecting his feelings because that's the only way they're going to survive this conversation. 

"Maybe he knew the risks." Superboy says, and punches the wall behind him, cracking it with his super strength. "Maybe he just didn't care."

They fall silent after that because that's just too much to take in, but it doesn't last long. 

"So who's gonna tell the Flash when he gets here?" Artemis' the one to break it.

"Tell me what?" A red blur comes to a sudden stop and the Flash's there before he can be announced. "What happened?" His voice's commanding, but he's vibrating so hard it's easy to tell how the news of his nephew in peril disturbed him.

"Flash." Batman indicates a corner with his head and both league members head over there to talk. They talk in whispers so they won't be heard by the others, but then Barry's vibrating gets worse. He reaches a frequency so high he looks like he's about to shatter apart and everyone knows exactly what's being said between them.

Robin wants desperately to give them some privacy, but he can't tear his eyes away from the scene, and he knows that the rest of the team find themselves in a similar situation. They don't know Barry like he does, but seeing the otherwise calm and collected league member lose it like this was definitely something they never expected or wished to see, ever, and none of them knows what to do.

A sudden and strong rush of air makes them blind for a second and when they re-open their eyes, the Flash's gone. Batman doesn't seem fazed, he just gestures to J'ohn to get the zeta beams ready.

"Where did he go?" Artemis prompts when they offer no explanation, and the task falls to Batman once more.

"We're going back to Belle Reve interrogate Psimon and get some answers as to what drove Kid Flash to suicide in the first place. The authorities have already been notified and they're expecting us. Robin, you stay with the team." He purposely ignores the relief that overtakes his protegé's eyes, and continues. "We need you here to keep us updated if anything changes. Black Canary has been notified and will arrive shortly, but I don't think it will take us long to return. I know for a fact that The Flash is planning on being here when his nephew wakes."

"Psimon won't offer you answers that easily." Superboy crosses his arms.

"If he doesnt, we'll just take them." It's J'ohn who answers and M'Gann flies to his side, understanding completely her uncle's words.

"Oh, uncle, his mind is a horrible, horrible place."

"Worry not, niece." The Martian Manhunter hugs her. "He's wearing a inhibitor collar and won't be able to fight me back."

"J'ohn." Batman calls him. "It's time to go."

The martian nods at his teammate, silently agreeing that they've let the Flash alone with Psimon for enough time, already.

As soon as they're gone, Mt. Justice falls silent once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poor barry

"I shouldn't be here." Artemis says, shifting in her seat. "Psimon messed with Wally's head, not mine, I'm fine."

"Are you?" Dinah Lance raises an eyebrow at her and the archer feels herself shrink back to her chair. She hugs her knees and rests her head behind them.

"I just... I don't believe this is happening. This is Wally and Wally is Wally, he's a reckless happy idiot who's always making jokes and shamelessly flirting and he's not the type of person to resort to suicide, he just isn't. I mean, he's not... Sad, is he?" She pauses to take a deep breath, finally looking up. "If he was, it was the best kept secret ever and I know all about keeping secrets so I... I should have known or, at least, I should have cared enough to see throught the smiles and..."

"The Flash never noticed, nor did the rest of your teammates, people who are closer to him than you are, do you blame them for it?" She paused, for good measure. "Do you blame me? I talked to him after the failed simulation, but I didn't... If I had dug deeper, maybe..."

"What? No! I'd never..."

"So you can't blame yourself either. We all have regrets haunting us, but dwelling in the past brings no relief nor help. We can't correct our mistakes, but we can make sure not to repeat them in the future."

"I'll pay closer attention to him." Artemis nods. "I won't let Kid Idiot fool me this time."

xxx

It takes Batman a minute of whispering threats to make Psimon agree to a mind sweep performed by the Martian Manhunter. On one hand, Barry Allen is disappointed on how easy the criminal gave in because there was a part of him that wanted to beat it out of him, but, on the other, the sick smile on the telepath's face gives him chills and he gets the impression that showing them what he did to Kid Flash has always been part of his plan. 

Barry doesn't like it. He has a bad feeling about this, but when he feels the memories hit him like waves, he doesn't fight them. He closes his eyes to focus until they take shape and begin rolling in his mind, like a movie. 

It's the first time he went to Keystone with Iris, they have been dating for six months and she was eager for him to meet her nephew, he remembers this day like it was yesterday. Her brother's wife, Mary, had died giving birth to Wally and Iris visited them in Keystone whenever she could. Wally was such a quiet child and Barry was terrified of not getting throught to him and disappointing Iris, but when he began to tell the tale of how The Flash saved him and the other people who were made hostages in a bank last week, the kid, who had spent the whole night sitting quiet and politely answering his aunt's questions about school, rose to his feet, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Did you meet the Flash?" Wally was basically bouncing on his feet. "Did you get to talk to him? What did he say? What did he do? Did he have to vibrate through the safe or did he get the hostages out first with his superspeed?"

Iris laughed.

"Oh, yeah, Barry, I forgot to mention it, but Wally is The Flash's number one fan." She smiled her smuggest smile.

"Don't bother him with your silly nonsense." Rudolph West stared at his son until the kid shrunk back to his chair, and Barry watches himself completely miss the whole exchange between father and son.

"Really? Don't you like Superman better? Or even Batman?" Barry asked, moving closer to the kid.

Wally stayed quiet for a minute, fidgeting with his own hands.

"Barry asked a question." His father intervened. "Don't be rude."

"The Flash's way cooler than everyone else." Wally immediately answered and Barry wants to scream at his past self to notice something was wrong, to stop being so overwhelmed that someone thought he was cooler than Batman, and pay attention to this kid that was so obviously in distress. No five years old were that shy.

"Wally, why don't you show Barry your album?" Iris suggested, with a smile. "Im sure he'll like it."

"Yeah, I'm a big Flash fan too." Barry said quickly when Wally hesitated, and turned to smile back at Iris, knowing that she would never let him live this 'I'm a big fan of myself' thing down.

The rest of the day passed as he remembers it. Wally showed him the album he had made of articles about The Flash's appearances, since the very first one and they talked excitedly about Barry joining Wally's fan club and becoming The Flash's number two fan, until they had to leave. Wally ran after their car, waving goodbye for as long as he could, but when he returned home, his father was waiting for him, with his belt in his hand.

"You behaved badly today, Wallace."

Barry watches in horror Rudolph beat his own son to tears and Wally curl up in his bed and cry for the Flash to save him.

The other memories are very similar. Every time Barry and Iris went to visit, Barry and Wally talked about the Flash or about science because science was what gave the Flash his powers. The kid wanted to follow his hero's footsteps and it shouldn't be hard since Wally was the brightest kid he ever knew. Barry got him the Flash's autograph for his sixth's birthday and a science kit for his seventh, and took Wally to the lab where Flash got his powers when the kid turned eight and every year he got more and more excited for his nephew's birthday, making those grand plans, and they always had so much fun he never thought to ask if Wally would prefer to spent his day with his friends, instead. Barry never even asked about his nephew's friends, so he didn't know he had none at school.

But every time they left, Rudolph would yell at his son, he would call him useless and worthless and a faggot and all the things the kid didn't deserve to hear, and sometimes beat him up. The only thing that changed through the years were the name Wally cried for help when he was alone in his room, it went from The Flash's to Uncle Barry's.

Wally discovered his favorite hero was his favorite (and only) uncle when he was twelve, when the boy found his notes about the experiment that granted him powers. Barry had been angry and scared at the idea of having his nephew as his sidekick. It was dangerous and he didn't know what he'd do if something happened to Wally, so he immediately told him he didn't want a sidekick and that he couldn't have handled the responsibility, missing yet again the desperate cry from help.

"Useless." Barry hears someone say it again and he gets angry before he even realizes who's saying it. "I'm so fucking useless." It sounds so tired and defeated that he barely recognizes Wally's voice. He finally sees his nephew mixing chemicals in his lab and it breaks his heart to know that Rudolph's words finally got to him, that Wally believed his father, when he was the brightest kid Barry ever knew. And being as bright as he was, Wally knew perfectly well the risks of becoming a superhero, he knew the risks of trying to replicate the experiment, and he still welcomed these risks because it was preferable than living like he did. However this experiment went, he would finally be free.

There was an explosion.

Barry opens his eyes and tears fall from them. 

"I gather you enjoyed my movie. Very touching, isn't it, uncle Barry?" Psimon says and smiles and Barry has his hands on his throat before he can even think about what he's doing, before he can even care. 

"Flash!" Superman shouts and Barry had forgotten that the man of steel arrived even before he did to convince Belle Reve's psychiatrist that they needed some time alone with the newest prisoner. Barry didn't notice him before because he was too worried about his nephew and he doesn't see him now because he only sees red. "Stop it, Flash!" Superman pushes him away from the telepath and keeps him down. Psimon laughs.

"Let me go." Barry gets the words out through gritted teeth and even considers vibrating through his friend's grip, for a moment.

Psimon's laugh is cut short and both heroes look up to see Batman standing over the unconscious telepath's body.

"We need to move him to the WatchTower's prison, but he resisted. Physical force was the only available option." He responds, no emotion crossing his face whatsoever, but he flick of blood falling from Psimon's head and staining the floor proves the dark night hit him harder than he probably should.

"What's your plan, Bruce?" Superman gets up, as he feels Barry stop struggling behind him.

"He mustn't stay here in Belle Reve. He had access to Kid Flash's memories and therefore knows not only his identity and Flash's, but all other identities Kid Flash knows and he could sell the information to our greatest enemies."

Barry's head is spinning. That would put not only Jay and Joan Garrick in danger, but all other speedsters too. Not to mention Hal or Ollie or the Young Justice entire team, except for...

"Well, aren't you glad you never let Robin tell Wally his name?" He spits it out, voice dripping with spite. He's so angry right now he feels like he could explode, so he uses it. 

Batman knows how it is, so he just ignores his friend's hateful remark and goes on.

"Psimon's should be held under the league's custody until we decide on a course of action."

"What about Rudolph West? He also knows the speedsters identities and should be held responsible for his actions against his own kid." J'ohn points out and Barry's muscles tense.

"We can't let you go after him either, Barry." Superman places himself between the fastest man alive and the door, antecipating his reaction. "Rudolph West will be punished, but not by you."

"My family, my decisions, Clark, stay out of this." Barry retorts, feelings his lips tremble. "My family, my responsibility, my... My fault." He swallows when his vision starts to blur. " I should have noticed something, I was there, all these times, I was there, but I was blind and deaf to my nephew's pain, it's all my fault. I didn't save him."

"But you did save him, in the end." Superman says and reaches for his shoulder, to steady his friend. "You took him away from Keystone, to live with you and Iris in Central City, so you could teach him to be a hero and you did it, wonderfully."

"Yeah, but only after he tried to take his own life!" Barry doesn't have the strength to fight the tears. "I couldn't even get him to trust me enough to tell me what he's been through, not after all these years."

"I don't think that's the case." J'ohn calls for their attention. "Maybe Kid Flash never told you a thing because he didn't remember it himself. It's not that unusual for an abuse victim to instinctly lock those memories away, repress them. It's a defense mechanism, so he might not even realize he did it. But thanks to Psimon's intervention, what was once lost is now found."

"And lost again." Barry looks away, the anger's gone, and there's nothing. He feels empty. "How does one recover from it all? Wally's just a kid."

"Go be with him." Superman breaks the silence and stares at Barry. "He will need you when he wakes."

"And what shall I tell him? Sorry I never did anything, I just didn't know? Sorry I believed your dad when he told me you broke the science kit I gave you and that I shouldn't buy you a new one to teach you to be more responsible? Sorry I failed you again and again? Sorry I...

"Barry." It's Batman who interrupts him. "This isn't about you, this is about Wally and what he needs. We all watched his memories, the kid idolizes you. He needs you, both his hero and his uncle. You didn't know then, but now you do. What are you going to do about it?"

Superman steps away from the door and Barry runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this whole story planned out and I don't want it to past 10 chapters because I don't think I can handle writing something so long now, so I had to kill off Mary West to make it work. Adult life is being a bitch and soon I'll have no time to write, but I'll try my best to keep up with the weekly update.
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why do I keep giving my favorite character panic attacks? We will never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four, you guys, time flies omg I need to step up my game, I only have a couple of chapters written already =/ I don't particularly like this chapter because I feel like it's kind of a filler, but I had bat feels and I just had to write this, I'm sorry. But, on the bright side, next one's my favorite and I can't wait for you to read it!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, anyway.

The Flash runs past him to the med bay and the boy wonder sighs. He was planning on being there for Wally when he woke up again, but he knows it's not his place to intrude on Barry's alone time with his nephew. Having nowhere else to go and feeling quiet restless, Robin just paces back and forth, trying to make sense out of _Wally has tried to commit suicide when he was twelve_ until Batman is announced back at Mount Justice. His mentor gestures for him to follow and leads him somewhere they can't talk alone.

"How did the interrogation with Psimon go?" The boy wonder asks as soons as they stop. 

"Psimon is now under league custody and has been taken to the Watchtower." Batman simply nods.

"And how did the interrogation go?" Robin bites his bottom lip, but repeats himself.

"We got what we came for."

"Which is?" Robin knows Bruce's being obtuse on purpose and normally he would let it go because there must be a reason for this behavior, but _he can't_ do it now. He can't let go because this is about Wally, so he presses on.

"Not my secret to tell." Batman has his "that's final" tone of voice and Robin grits his teeth.

"I need to know, Look, Wally's my... Wally's..." He needs to make Bruce understand what Wally means to him, but he doesn't know how to do it, he doesn't know how to finish his own sentence. Wally is: his Teammate. His friend. Wally was his only friend for a while and now he's his best friend. But Wally's also more, so much more.

Wally's a flirt, he's a dumb genius and a reckless idiot who jumps into danger without a second thought because he heals faster so it's not a problem if he gets hurt anyway.

Wally's the guy who ran over the whole country and stood in line for four hours to get Robin the new zombie videogame for his fake birthday. Wally's also the guy who had the idea for the fake birthday crap and decided to share his own birthday with Robin when the boy wonder said he couldn't even tell his best friend the day he was born. He's the guy who calls Robin "Rob" and "Robbie" and makes it all sound like real names.

Wally's a chatterbox, he's clueless and clumsy, but he's also caring, sweet, honorable and hilarious, especially when he's not trying to be. He's generous and brave and warm and brilliant and honest and beautiful and...

"I need to know what made him try to..." Robin gives up and goes on because, judging by the way Batman is looking at him, he understands, he knows. He knows _Wally's important._ "...kill himself." He forces the words out because how can he help Wally come to terms with what has happened if he can't even say it?

"Then ask him and he will tell you in his own time." Batman touches his shoulder, trying to soothe his protegé's worries.

"He never told me anything, why would he tell me now?" Robin can't help how this one thought cuts through him, deeply.

"J'ohn thinks he locked away his memories after the accident. When he moved to Central City with the Flash, he began a new life, unconsciously hiding away his traumatic memories as a defense mechanism. The encounter with Psimon brought all those repressed memories to light."

"You keep using the plural. There's more than one traumatic memory? How many traumatic memories can one kid have?" Robin's growing more and more tense and he wants to laugh it off, dismiss it as a joke and have everything come back to normal, _please._ "What could be worse than a suicide attempt?"

"What drove him to it." Batman doesn't even blink and Robin looks away, ashamed of his reaction, because _of course._

"So... When KF wakes he'll have to deal with a bunch of stuff he hid away for years so he could be sane and normal.. And... Happy, all this time." What his mentor's implying is finally starting to sink in and it makes him feel sick. Wally's brain made him forget all these things to protect him, so he could live his life, so he could grow up and become a hero, become everything that he is. But now it's all about to change. "He'll wake up and he'll remember it and how is he supposed to feel like himself again? He won't... He won't be Wally anymore..." He's backing away from Batman and he's panting for air. He's vaguely aware that he may be having a panic attack and he can't deal with it right now. It's too much.

 _One thing at a time, Grayson. Just start by fucking breathing,_ he tells himself. It's not that hard, it's not supposed to be that hard. He wonders if that's how Wally felt when he first woke up and _nope._ Thinking about Wally isn't helping. At all.

"Dick." Batman is at his side in an instant, but the boy wonder shakes him head "no" when the league member reaches for him.

"I can do it." He manages to spit it out, between painful gasps.

"I know you can, Dick." 

Any other adult would just have ignored his pleas and called someone for help, but Bruce nods and waits because Bruce believes in him. And if Bruce believes he can do something, then he can do it. It's just that simple. 

He can breathe, he just needs to remember how to.

His mind goes to Wally again and he fights the 'bad idea' alert that goes off in his head because Wally's his best friend and thinking about him always made him happy and he won't let a stupid panic attack ruin it for him. He thinks about Wally's chest rising and falling with the movement of his hand, he thinks about Wally's warm breaths against his neck when he held him and it gets easier and easier.

"Sorry." He eventually says, when he feels it's safe enough to speak.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Robin only realizes Batman has an arm around him, when the dark knight tries to take it back. "I have other business to attend to and I was about to suggest you head over to Gotham and lay low for a few days, but I have a feeling you want to stay."

"I do." Robin nods and lets his body lean towards his mentor, not wanting the contact to end, and they stay like this for a few more minutes.

They don't talk, they don't need to.

xxx

"Hey, kid, how are you feeling?"

Wally feels someone play with his hair and the gesture's so familiar he knows it's uncle Barry even before he says anything. But it's still a lot confusing because maybe he's still dreaming, or maybe it's another memory, except it could be any memory because Barry used to stay with him, waiting for him to wake up everytime he got sick, back when he could get sick, or hurt in missions and it was always exactly like that. Uncle Barry played with his hair a lot, ever since he was five, and Wally doesn't even know how old he's supposed to be, right now.

"I'm fine." He groans and replies, because that's what he always replied, because, even though he doesn't know if he is fine at all, he doesn't want to worry his uncle, he never did.

"Can you open your eyes for me, champ?" Barry asks and, oh, god, maybe Wally's five or six because uncle Barry is using pet names for him _again._

Wally tries to obey, but the room is so bright it hurts his eyes.

"It's okay, Wally." Barry says and holds his hands. "You can do it."

Wally groans, squeezes his uncle's hand and thinks it shouldn't be this hard. He was never afraid of the light before, quite the opposite, truth be told. He waits and his eyes slowly adjust. Barry's dressed as the Flash, but his mask's off, Wally recognizes the room as the med bay on Mount Justice and feels ashamed.

He shouldn't have been afraid of the light, he shouldn't be afraid of anything because, he remembers, he's sixteen and a superhero.

"Do you know where you are, kid?" Uncle Barry pushes him back to bed when he tries to get up.

"Mount Justice. That's the med bay, right?" He's surprised at how groggy his voice sounds and forces himself to cough.

"Do you know why you're here?"

Wally remembers _everything_.

xxx

"I"m his best friend." Robin lowers his head when Black Canary asks what's wrong. He just had a panic attack and having another one isn't in his plans, ever again, but he knows that talking to her usually helps, so he takes a deep breath in anticipation. "The idiot told me that, like, one hour after we met, actually. He was always so open, about everything, I never thought he had something so dark in his past and I'm... I'm supposed to be his best friend, right?

"Why is it a question? Don't you know?"

"I... I... It's complicated now that I know what Psimon did to him... Look, the first time he woke he panicked so we couldn't really talk. Now we're waiting again and I don't know what we're supposed to be waiting for. I mean, when he wakes, he'll remember everything that happened to him and... What if it's just too much? What if he never comes back to normal or if he withdraws from us, what if he's different? What if I'm not his best friend anymore?"

"Is Wally your best friend?" Dinah leans in his direction.

"What?"

"You may not be his best friend anymore, but is he yours?"

"Of course he is." Robin can't help but feel offended at her for suggesting otherwise. 

"And will he still be your best friend no matter what happens from now on? Or will your feelings for him change?"

"He will, he always will, I... I love him." The words are out before he can stop himself, but he isn't ashamed of them, on the contrary, actually, he's very proud.

"Then what difference does it make, how he sees you?"

"It changes nothing." Robin stands up. "And I should be with him now. Thanks."

Dinah watches him go with a smile on her lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> favorite chapter is favorite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating today because tomorrow I won't be able to. Thanks for the kudos and the bookmarks! Hope you enjoy this!

_"Do you know why you're here?"_

_Wally remembers everything._

"Probably a mission gone wrong, nothing to worry about, I'll do better next time, right?" Wally smiles at him and Barry is taken aback.

Is his nephew repressing those memories again? And so soon after Psimon just brought them back? He's appalled at the thought, but even more appalled at the relief that unconsciously flooded him. It would be easier that way, just pretend that it's all back to normal and believe that everything went away like _magic._

But neither Barry nor Wally believe in magic. So he knows it's not gone, he knows the memories are there, haunting Wally's mind and he can't let him cope with them alone. They're family.

"Wally, we need to talk." Barry says and takes both his hands in his own.

"It's nothing. I'm okay now." His nephew tries to escape him, but Barry's having none of that.

"Wally, Wally, come on." He tries again. "I know what Psimon did to you, the memories he brought back... I saw everything."

"Everything?" Wally feels like the room is closing in on him and he gets disappointed when it doesn't. He's still there, and uncle Barry's still there and he's looking at him with the saddest look upon his face and Wally can't even look at him anymore.

"Oh, god, Wally, I'm so sorry." Barry can feel his eyes watering and curses under his breath because this isn't about him and his failures as both uncle and superhero, this is about Wally and Wally needs him not to break the fuck down. "All these years, I was there and I never did anything against that monster, he was hurting you and I never... I never noticed. I'm sor...ry." He hates how his voice breaks, how he's suddenly crying and how Wally relunctantly embraces him.

"It's okay, uncle Barry."

God, the kid is comforting _him._ How messed up is that?

"Kid, Wally, look at me." He steadies himself and takes a deep breath. "I need you to know that I would have done everything in my power... That I will do anything in my power to make sure you're okay."

"But I'm okay, I promise." Wally insists, but the way his eyes are glimmering with unshed tears contradicts him completely. "I mean, even with my dad, it wasn't... It wasn't a big deal, I got used to it..."

"Not a big deal? Wally, he hit you, he called you names and starved you!" Barry only realizes he's shouting when he feels the redheaded flinch away from him and regrets it immediately. It's easier to deal with this anger than with the heart-wrenching feeling of failure, but it doesn't excuse his behavior. "I'm sorry, I’m sorry, kid, I didn't mean to..." He didn't mean to yell at him like his monster of a father did.

"It's fine." Wally says and Barry clenches his fists, his nails digging deep into his own flesh and the pain helps him not to lose it again because Wally have always said that. It's always "fine" and "okay", specially when it isn't, and the fact that his nephew keeps lying to him like that hurts more than anything that has ever been done to him.

"It's not." Barry needs to make him understand.

"It is." Wally yells back and Barry gasps at him because he wasn't expecting his nephew to get this angry. "Look, uncle Barry, it really is, I mean... he did beat me up and all these things, but it wasn't like... All the time." Wally takes a deep breath and looks away. "It was only when I misbehaved or when I was being useless. Just... When I deserved it."

Barry's anger breaks and so does his heart.

"Wally." 

"It's fine!" He says it again, like a broken record, and Barry realizes Wally never lied to him, that he was only lying to himself this whole time, and that's actually worse. "I mean, I was such a brat when I was younger, dad was just trying to make me act like a man, and it worked. I mean, I'm a lot stronger now, ain't I?"

"Wally." Barry calls him again. "Wally, please." He takes his nephew's face in his hands and brings it to his, resting their foreheads together. "You were the sweetest little kid." He begins and keeps Wally's head in place when he tries to contradict him. "You were. You had me the first time we've ever met. It was on a Friday and I spent the entire weekend talking about how great you were to other league members. Batman had to threaten running me over with the batmobile to get me to stop. And I only did for like, ten minutes, tops."

Wally makes a quiet sound and maybe it's a sob, but maybe it's a small laugh, maybe it's both, but Barry'll take what he can.

"Kid, me and Iris, we love you like you were our son. We always have. We know you and we know you were never a brat or useless. There's nothing wrong with you, Wally, and nothing you did would make you deserve what that monster did to you, nothing, ever, do you understand? Please, I need you to understand." 

Wally's full on sobbing now and Barry hugs him hard, letting his nephew's head rest on his shoulder. 

"You are wonderful and you are perfect the way you are." He says it again and again and again. "Powers or no powers."

"Am not." Comes the muffled reply. 

"You are, and I'm going to keep repeating this until you believe me, okay?"

Wally nods, inching closer and closer to his uncle like he won't ever be able to let him go, but does it when Barry's cell phone goes off.

The moment's gone.

Barry winces at the sudden distance between them, but picks the cell phone up and pales.

"It's Iris" He had been with her when he was notified of Wally's situation and he had promised to call her as soon he was told what happened. He didn't. "She's worried about you."

"You should answer it, then." Wally shrugs.

"Or maybe we could go home?" Barry asks in the most hopeful tone he can muster. "She'll want to see you. Besides, it's not a conversation we should have over the phone. What do you say, kid? Let's race there."

"I don't think..." Wally pauses and looks at his own hands. "Maybe it's best if I stay here for a while."

"Are you hurt?" Barry feels himself beginning to panic again. He was so focused on what Psimon did to him mentally, he didn't even check if his nephew was hurt elsewhere, but he must have been if the kid wanted to spend more time in the med bay and Barry's got yet another thing to add to the "times Barry Allen failed his own nephew/sidekick" list

"I'm fine." The kid says, but that's his default answer and Barry quickly looks him over for injuries. He breaths out in relief when he finds none. "It's just... Maybe I should stay here, on Mount Justice, for a while."

"What?" It catches him completely off guard.

"It's a lot for me to take in, I mean, I didn't even remember any of it before now, so... I'll just need some time alone, you know, to get over it." 

Barry focuses on him, immediately forgetting about his cell phone, which is still buzzing.

"Wally, it won't simply go away if you're left alone... Specially if you're left alone.

"I know. It's just too much, uncle Barry, I don't think I can talk to anyone else about it. I don't want to talk about it."

"You'll need to." Barry takes his hands again to stop his fidgeting. "We're all worried about you and we want to help. Please let us help."

"I'll talk to Black Canary, then, every time she wants, I swear. Just don't make me go home, uncle Barry, I don't... I don't want to make aunt Iris cry."

Barry stills, finally understanding what's troubling him so much. He pulls Wally for another hug.

"It's okay. We won't make you do anything you don't want to. I'll talk to Red Tornado and he'll find a room for you here, okay? And I can run home and bring back everything you need to spend a few days." He doesn't know how long Wally is planning to stay, but he sincerely hopes it won't be longer than that. "But you must allow Iris to visit you or she'll go balistic and that's something you don't want, ever. Trust me."

"I will." Wally nods and breaks a small smile. "I just really need some time."

"Take all the time you want, kiddo. But don't forget I'm here for you. And so is your aunt, your team and everyone in the league, we're all here for you."

Wally doesn't reply, he just guides his uncle hands to where he last put his cellphone and clicks on the green buttom.

"Hi, honey." Barry answers, smiles and feels terrible. "I'll be home in ten and we'll talk, okay?" He ends the call. "Are you sure you're okay, champs? I can stay if you want me to."

"Just go, uncle Barry." Wally tries to smile back at him. "You now it's not smart to keep aunt Iris waiting."

"I'll be back tomorrow." Barry isn't very satisfied with how things turned out, but, well, this was never about him. It's about Wally, what he wants and what he needs. Besides, Iris deserves to hear what happened from him and she was kept on the dark for enough time already. "See you, then?" He hugs his nephew as hard as he can and the fact that Wally doesn't joke about not being able to breathe like he always did, but hugs him back instead, silently, breaks his resolution to go. 

"I love you, kid." He kisses his nephew's forehead and _forces_ himself to let him go. It's probably the hardest thing he has ever had to do.

"Love you too." Wally nods and Barry runs. The redheaded watches the empty space where his uncle had been for a while, but soon turns over to the bed, grabbing his pillow hard, and waits to fall asleep again. He didn't even get out of bed, but he's tired.

It takes him half an hour, but he finally does.

"We're such creeps. Watching him sleep and all that." Robin scoffs and looks over to where Superboy's leaning on the door. That's exactly where the boy wonder found him when he came out of Black Canary's session, twenty minutes ago and he was yet to move a muscle. 

He had asked Conner where was the Flash, - _He spent the afternoon here, but he ran and I don't know where to,_ \- if Wally had woken, - _Yeah, he talked to Flash all afternoon,_ \- if he superheard what Wally and the Flash talked about, - _no, I wanted to, but Kaldur told me I shouldn't and that Wally would tell us himself whenever he was ready,_ \- but he didn't ask Conner what he was doing, standing still for at least twenty minutes outside the med bay, watching Wally sleep, exactly like Robin was doing. He didn't need to.

"Are you trying to be funny?" Conner asks, raising his eyebrows. "I don't think it's working."

"It's just... That's KF's thing, you know? Make stupid jokes on stupid moments just to defuse the tension, but, well, it's not my thing. I think I'll just keep to my whelmed wordplay." Robin's smile grows genuine because if Wally had heard him, he would have rolled his eyes and told him to stop bullying prefixes because _What have the prefixes ever done to you, Rob,"_ but he snaps out of it when he realizes Conner's staring at him.

"You're thinking about him." He says and Robin wants to laugh because for someone who has been trained by Batman, he's not so good at keeping secrets when Wally's concerned, is he?

"So are you." He accuses back because _some_ of batman's training had to stick, right?

"Yes." Connor nods. "I'm thinking about what I'm going to say to him when he wakes."

"Did you reach any conclusions?"

"No."

"I don't think it matters. " Robin breaths out and closes his eyes for a brief moment. "Remember that time Wally got poisoned, but somehow managed to run the hostages out the of the building for a whole hour, the idiot? We only knew something was off when he passed out on us."

"I remember." Connor clenches his fists. The memory is not a good one. "Wally puts everyone ahead of himself just because he heals fast."

"He does, and that's the thing. He'll just pretend everything is fine when he wakes, just like he did then. He'll just brush off everything we say to him as _"it's fine, don't make a big deal about this."_

"Doesn't he trust us enough to tell the truth of what's bothering him?"

"It's not about trust. He does trust us, you know he does. We're his team and we're his friends, but you see... He won't want to bother us with what's bothering him, so he'll just ignore it until it goes away. Wally is good at this. He's good at hiding what he's really feeling, he's good at being on denial and he's very, very, very good at smiling."

"He puts everyone first because he heals fast. But these wounds... They aren't physical, he can't be expected to heal from them in a few days, like he does a broken arm. And if he doesn't let us help, how..."

"We'll help. He won't ask for help, but we'll do it anyway. We'll listen to the things he doesn't say and we'll watch him closely for anything amiss and we'll help him, whether he likes it or not. And you can start by helping me push those beds together, come on." Robin gestures to the beds and pulls Conner towards them.

Conner blinks, but obeys, easily moving them to where Robin points. When they finish the task, there's a bed in each side of Wally's. Robin climbs on top of one of them and pullls the redhead close to him.

"What..." Wally blinks at him, trying to brush the sleep off of his eyes. "Rob, what are you doing?"

"Sleep over." The boy wonder shushes him. "Batman isn't expecting me in Gotham and there's a damn mosquito in Superboy's room that doesn't let him sleep."

Conner freezes because that's a lie, but when he watches Wally relax against his friend's arms, he thinks he's beginning to understand. 

"That must be horrible for a guy with superhearing." Wally muses, still a little bit groggy with sleep.

"It is." Conner nods and climbs the other bed, ignoring Robin's wicked smile. He lays there and feels awkward. Robin and Wally are cuddling like he and M'Gann do and that's supposed to be private, right?

"But those beds suck, I mean, maybe you guys would be more confortable on the sofa or something. I mean, they are other bedrooms here, so maybe it's best if you..."

"Goodnight, Walls." Robin cuts Wally off with a bear hug and rests his forehead against his chest. Wally doesn't try to move away, he just takes Conner's hand with his free one, letting it rest on his side. It's a little less akward, but still, is Conner supposed to move closer or something? What is he supposed to do with his other hand? Is Robin okay with this? Would M'Gann be okay with this?

Wally mumbles something and it's so low that, if Conner didn't have superhearing, he would have missed it completely.

"You're welcome." Conner says back and thinks he sees Wally smile against Robin's hair.

It's not awkward anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had some Barry/Iris feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hal Jordan makes a cameo because I'm absolutely in love with Kazyre's 'A Flashlight to See in the Dark'. Everyone, please, stop reading this fic and go read theirs.
> 
> I have next chapter's all planned, but I don't know if I'll have time to finish it this week. Birdflash week is coming and I'm trying to plot as much birdflash one-shots as I possibly can, but my plot bunnies have all turned into horrible monsters that have taken over my life.

Barry had changed to his civilian clothes in a dark corner near the house because the Flash couldn't be seen visiting Iris West-Allen or the supervillains might start getting _ideas._

The door opens from within the moment he puts his keys on the keyhole. Iris is there and she has been crying. Barry lets go of the package he's carrying and goes to his wife, hugging her dearly. He kisses her mouth and her cheeks and her forehead and it's not only because she needs it, but mostly because _he needs it._

"Barry." She stops him, both her hands holding his face, keeping it inches away from hers. Barry looks away because he can't watch another pair of green eyes, once so bright and full of life, get filled with a sadness they were never supposed to know. It doesn't take any cold guns, or the mind controlling abilities of a gorilla, or time travel assholes to defeat Central City's mightiest hero, it's just the tears in Iris' and Wally's eyes and Barry feels weak and pathetic and helpless all over again. 

"Barry, I need to hear it from you, is it true?" She presses. "Did Rudy really..."

The mention of Wally's father makes Barry's blood boil and the answer must have shown on his face because Iris takes a step back.

"No." She shakes her head, backing away from him.

"It's okay, Iris." Someone steadies her when it looks like her knees are about to give in and Barry looks up to see Hal Jordan, in his civvies, the green lantern ring upon his finger, standing there.

"Hal, what are you..."

"I'm sorry, Barry. Iris called me the first time you didn't answer her. She told me Wally was hurt and was so frantic, I promised her I would investigate. I mean, I had to, this was about Wally and I... I've known the kid for years, so I went to the league and made them tell me." He lets go of Iris' shoulders and heads over to his friend. "God, Barry, I'm so sorry, I never could have thought..."

"Me neither." Barry shakes his head and doesn't blame Hal for not looking him in the eye.

"What is going to happen to Rudy, then?" Iris braces herself for the answer.

"Batman was on his way to Keystone with some leaguers to interrogate him, but I haven't heard a thing."

"I'll find out what I can." Hal volunteers and grabs his coat from one of the chairs because pestering Batman until he tells him everything is _finally_ something he can do to help. "I'll call you tonight, man." 

Barry nods and takes him to the door.

"You know I'm here for the both of you, right? And for Wally, I love the kid." Hal touches his shoulder and pauses, suddenly unsure of what to say. "But... Uh, he's okay, right?"

Barry's guilt for not calling Iris before to tell her how Wally was doing now takes a whole new proportion because he should have called Hal too. He had been friends with the pilot for years and Hal spent a lot of time with Wally, helping the kid when Barry or Iris were busy or at work, or actually not being any help at all; teaching Wally how to flirt, or taking him to eat ice cream right before dinner because, _Chill, Barry, the Kid's stomach knows no bounds, he'll still eat all the horrible healthy things you want him too,_ or buying him Green Lantern's toys and having heated and serious arguments with the twelve years old about GL being better than the Flash and then having heated and serious argument with Barry himself over the kid needing more awesome superheroes role models. 

"He will be." Barry rests his hands on top of his friend's and tries to smile. "Don't worry.

"I'll leave the worrying to the boring uncle, as always, since I'm the cool one. You let me know when the Kid's well enough and I'll take him ice-creaming, like the old days."

"Will do." Iris says and comes closer. "Thanks, for staying with me and for everything, really." Hal's a part of the family already. 

Hal gives her a quick hug and then turns to Barry.

"Hey, just don't beat yourself up, man. Wally'll be back to being the hyperactive reckless kid we all love so much in, like, _a flash."_

"Ha." The smile on Barry face grows. "You're funny."

"I am." Hal shrugs and, for a moment, everything's okay again. "I'll call with news."

Barry nods and watches him go. He lets out a tired sigh and closes the door. When he looks over to Iris, she's pacing back and forth in the living room.

"Maybe they'll talk to him and realize it's... Look, Wonder Woman can use her lasso to prove it's not true! Maybe Psimon manufactured those memories to mess with Wally's head, to mess with all our heads and... and break this family apart!" She stops to look at him and there's hope shining in her eyes and falling down her cheeks alongside her tears. 

"Iris." Barry hugs her, hating himself for what he's about to say. "Iris, it's true. Rudolph will be subjected to a lasso test and to a memory swap by J'ohn, but I know what they'll find. Honey, do you remember how quiet Wally was when he first met me? You told me yourself you found it odd because he used to be such a hyperactive toddler. God, do you remember the bruises? The ones he got from soccer, from running and getting into fights at school?" He almost scoffs because the signs were staring them both right in the face, it was all so obvious and they still refused to see them. "Do you remember when Wally moved in with us? Rudy never called and Wally was always so happy, all the time...

"Oh, God." Iris takes both her hands to her face and mentally goes through every single memory she had of Wally from before he came to live with her and Barry. She missed all the evidence once, she won't let herself miss it twice. "Abuse... but Wally... He never said anything. I was there, Barry, I've always been there and I could have stopped it. I would have stopped it! I would have done _anything..._ " Her voice breaks. "Why didn't he tell me?" 

Barry holds her while she sobs.

"Because it wasn't a big deal." He says and she flinches away.

"What?"

"That's what he told me today, Iris. He thinks he deserved it and he doesn't want to bother either of us with it. I tried to comfort him back at Mt Justice and the kid ended up comforting me!" He laughs because if he doesn't he might start to cry again and he can't do that to his wife.

Barry gestures for her to seat and begins telling her all about his conversation with Wally. Iris' face is pained and, when, he finally falls silent, she asks:

"Why doesn't he want to go home to us, Barry?" She looks away. "Is he afraid... Does he think we would..."

"No!" Barry reacts quickly. Wally had flinched away from him when he had unconsciously yelled, back at Mt. Justice, but it was just a reflex. Wally knew better, he knew that Barry and Iris loved him as their own son, he knew they would never... He had to know. "No, it's nothing like that, he just doesn't want to upset me or to see you cry." Barry finishes with a long-suffering sigh and sits on the chair next to her.

"Then I won't cry." Iris takes a deep breath, and then says, her eyes shining with a newly found determination and Barry feels himself falling in love with this woman all over again. "I said I'd do anything for him and that includes not crying." It's the same look she had on her face when The Flash first met her and asked why she didn't run away to safety during his fight with Captain Cold and she just smiled, checking her camera, and said _"And miss my scoop?" Are you crazy?"_ It's the same look she had on her face when Barry found her after being made hostage in that museum by Professor Zoom. Barry had never been so scared in all his life, but when he finally got to her, she smiled at him, lifted his mask just enough to kiss him and said _"Honey, you're late. Again."_ in the same tone of voice she used to say things like _"I'm married to the fastest man alive and still he can't make it to dinner on time."_

He lets himself get lost in the memories and, when he comes to his senses, he's on his knees in front of her, cupping her face on his hands and kissing her.

"I love you so much." He says when they finally break apart. The kiss took her by surprise, but she lets herself enjoy the moment even after it's over, keeping her eyes closed and her lips parted. 

"I love you too." She calls him, quietly, when they move away from each other, and she re-opens her eyes. " And I'm dying to hear your explanation for being late again."

"What?" Barry blinks back at her.

"You said you would arrive in ten and you did, but I've seen you run home from mt justice and take six minutes, tops. When you're the fastest man alive, you can do a lot in four minutes. " She points to the package he dropped near the door when he came in.

"It's stupid." He sighs and looks away.

"Tell me." She asks, gently.

"Do you remember Wally's seventh birthday? I got him a science kit and he was over the moon, he kept calling me to talk about the experiments he had done and..." He swallows, hard, and takes a deep breath, before continuing. "And then Rudy broke it. He broke it in front of Wally, he yelled that he wasn't gonna allow his son to become a scientist and that he was gonna be something useful like a doctor or a lawyer, instead."

Iris holds his hands harder and just waits until her husband's ready to tell more.

"Later Rudy told me that it was Wally who broke it. He asked me not to buy him another one to teach him a lesson about being responsible and I just... I knew something was off, there. I knew Wally wouldn't be so careless with the science kit like Rudolph was implying, I mean, I saw how much the kid loved and cared for it. It was the closest I got to realizing what was going on, but in the end I just... I let it go, I dismissed it as nothing. I chose to believe Rudy and I never bought Wally another kit. I could have. I should have." He groans, angry at himself. "So I... I kind did."

"You just bought him a new science kit." Iris finally understands and motions to the package.

"Yes and it's stupid." Barry groans again. "I mean, he's not seven anymore, he's sixteen and he's outgrown these stupid experiments. He has lab classes at school, why would he need a child's science kit? I knew I'd regret buying it the moment I did it, but I couldn't help myself. I want Wally to be happy again, I want to make him as happy as the day I gave him the kit and it's stupid because he's not a child anymore, but I don't know what else to do..."

"Barry..." She cuts him off with a soft kiss on the lips. "I think he's going to love it. "No, scratch that, I _know_ he's going to love it. I don't think it's stupid, I think it's perfect."

Barry takes another deep breath and her perfume comforts him, like it always did, like it always will. Iris is one of the strongest people he has ever met. She can do anything she sets her mind on. And, for her, for his family, he can too, do anything.

"You're my family. You and Wally, Iris, he's our kid, he's always been our kid, even before we knew... He's ours."

"He is." She lifts her husband's hand to her lips, kissing softly his knuckles. "And we're going to make it right."

Together they can do everything, including _be okay._


End file.
